I never know what in my life to write about. I created this section on the site so I can share non-sexy time things with y’all. There’s a lot of thoughts in my head, and some of them are worth writing down and sharing. The issue is tho, there’s so much in my head, that I never know what to write about at any given time. If any of you look inside my drafts folder, you’ll see at least a handful of half-written posts. I get all excited to write something, and then I start it, and then I’m bored with it.
I’ve been this way most of my writing life. I started writing when I was about 12/13 years old. Reading was very much a very loved hobby of mine. I honestly don’t know where I got my love of reading from. I’m told I was read to a lot as a young child, and I remember reading all sorts of books. This one set of books that I’ll never forget are these books about stores from the Bible. Yes, like most children everywhere, I grow up in a religious family that went to church and everything that implies. I have this very vivid memory of being told or forced or something, to go to my room and read them. It was night, and there were people over, but I don’t remember much more, I just can see myself, in the little corner, on the floor, reading them. Spoiler alert, I read my first erotica close to that same spot.
Then there was Charlotte’s Web. That was one of my favorite books, and it still is. I have such fond memories of it. Now that I’m thinking back, I remember looking at reading lists and not hating having to do it. It’ll be amiss if I forget to mention the Book Fair. I. Wanted. All. The. Things. There was always more to buy and more to read. Sure, I spent some money on bookmarks and random shit like that, but, who hasn’t? And if you say you didn’t, you’re not living in your truth.
Reading was a way to escape. It was a way to make up movies in my head. As I was reading, I’ll imagine what the characters would look like, and what songs would go with what parts of the book. Filter’s “ Take A Picture” was a theme song to one of the last chapters of one of the HP books. Don’t ask which one, but I remember reading it and then instantly hearing that song play. That’s normal right? I always thought it’ll be cool to be that person for movies and tv shows- find the right song to go with each scene. I would also, of course, imagine myself as each of the characters too, and may or may not have read different people in different voices in my head. So writing it out doesn’t sound too right, but it’s totally normal, take my word for it.
All this comes back to writing. There’s a reason why people usually say “reading and writing” together like that. I wanted to create my own worlds that others could escape to. Well, it started with poems when I was emo, but, same difference. My first(and only so far) poem that was published was about 9/11. I just started 8th grade and like literally everyone else was going through the feels. I processed that thought writing. Looking back, the poem isn’t great. Don’t get me wrong, it was great at the time, being that it was selected to be published. It’s titled, “Yesterday was Better”.
Writing was how I best express myself. Eh, it still is at times. Words are easy and visual. You can search and find just the perfect word to say, or not say. It conveys emotion and feeling. Words can be arranged in any way you want them to. Like, they’re pretty cool if you think about it. Seriously tho. Writing is just the best.
But ask me to finish a piece? Lol, okayyy. The only semi-long writing piece I finished, was this slightly graphic erotica I wrote when I was a teen(ish). Oh, and this one-act play I submitted to a Thespian conference.
Since then, there’s been a full-length play- A City Flower. My playwriting professor always said I had such a great sense of voice, but, I just need to finish the thing. That was a romantic comedy about a boy and girl meeting online then falling in love when they met in person. We never met in person, but are currently FB friends.
There was a wannabe novel- You Can’t Buy Drugs With a Credit Card. Which, at the time wasn’t a thing. There was no cash app or Venmo. Nothing. So my crush at the time had mentioned to me at one point he bought cat liter for his dealer, cause all he had was a credit card, and his words were, “…you can’t buy drugs with a credit card.” Even though it’s a bit dated, I think it’ll make for a super cute YA novel to be bought and made into a Netflix film. The way I see it in my head is super cute too. NaNoWriMo is right around the corner, do I have it in me to do that AND this blog? Who needs sleep anyway?
I got so far as to make an outline for a short novel idea. A funny and dramatized retrospect on 10 guys who I liked and/or had sex with. I hope y’all are catching a theme here, in my writing. I would always say that there’s a piece of me in everything I write. The characters are people I know or parts and pieces of a few different people. There’s usually love involved, the chubby girl always ends up with the guy. Happily ever after. These stories were my little worlds that only I can create. I had full control over everything. They could have been great. I am a good writer. I love to write, honest. Even if I don’t believe it myself because I can never finish anything and don’t write all the time. I am a good writer.
But why can’t I finish?
Maybe I’ve been lying to myself and I actually hate writing? Is it because I’m just lazy and would rather do anything else than finish a piece? Or is it undiagnosed inattentive-ADHD?
Stay tuned, to find out!